


Diagnostic Medicine

by stickmarionette



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-21
Updated: 2010-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:43:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stickmarionette/pseuds/stickmarionette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Maybe he’ll ask House to kill him outright before he proposes to anyone else.</i>  Wilson gets served divorce papers for the third time, or Boy Wonder and His Pathologies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diagnostic Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Blade Mistress.

_“Hey, you never know - third time’s the charm!”_

That’s what some of his colleagues had said at the wedding reception, although none of them dared do it in a raised voice even after the fifth drink.

Wilson thought of it this way: there, that was proof positive that alcohol tends to turn otherwise normal people into House, if one divides everything that makes the grouchy bastard worth having around – for example, intelligence, humour, wit - by at least a hundred.

And through it all, the original himself sat cradling a full glass, mercifully silent for once. Seemingly oblivious to the tense atmosphere, he somehow managed to sprawl out in his small hard chair, looking all but relaxed.

Well, except for the part where he stared hard at the bride like she was an autopsy subject for the entire wedding.

If he’s ever stupid enough to attempt marriage again, someone needs to remind him to dilute the champagne at the wedding. Or better yet, switch it with something harmless.

Maybe he’ll ask House to kill him outright before he proposes to anyone else. Then again, all he really has to do is introduce the poor woman to the good doctor when he’s low on Vicodin.

“This is Greg House. I spend a ridiculous amount of time with him. As you’ve probably noticed, he’s a complete bastard. If I’m not home on major holidays in the future, you know why.”

It would probably save him a lot of time.

Not that his marital problems are all House-related. He should probably also see a shrink about that whole compulsive cheating thing. That messes up relationships real quick.

Or perhaps that’s House-related too.

Maybe he’ll finally avoid sleeping with the divorce lawyer. His _or_ Julie’s. Then again, it would help with the settlement.

James Wilson isn’t a bastard; he just has one for a best friend. Or at least, that’s what he’d like everyone to believe. Wilson himself isn’t quite sure. His morally functional side got sent in for an ethics review with the back of his mind twelve years ago and isn’t due back for at least another ten.

Being called unflattering names by your wife doesn’t even hurt as much if you’ve heard it all before.

She didn’t scream or make threats or break things. He simply came home one day and found her packing.

  
 _“Julie, I - ”_

 _“Don’t apologise. Just – don’t.”_

 _”I love you. Please believe me.”_

 _“Yes, but you love everyone.”_

That had hurt, even if it wasn’t precisely true.

  
 _“So, what did it? Maybe she had a specific numerical tolerance. Is seven her lucky number?”_

 _“That’s ridiculous.”_

 _“The concept or the number itself?”_

 _“…I’m the ‘nice guy’. You know that.”_

Again, not quite true, and they both know that too.

  
 _“You know, I’ve noticed something interesting.”_

 _“Really. Would that be interesting only to you or to the general population?”_

 _“You don’t even date very much when you’re single, but as soon as you’re married…”_

 _“Stop, stop – that’s insane.”_

 _“Ah, I’ve hit a nerve.”_

It’s a twisted thing, really, that boy wonder James Wilson could probably make a few psychologists famous and give them enough material for a follow-up book too.

Or he can provide years of entertainment to someone who likes to observe pathologies. House does have a way with those mysterious illnesses. After all, he is a genius at connecting cause and effect, at _diagnosis_.

  
In layman’s terms –

Loving everybody is just another way of loving nobody.


End file.
